You may not be able to find limbo land on a map but I can assure you, it’s a very real place. It’s that space between first having symptoms and becoming diagnosed. For some .. the lucky ones .. it’s a fleeting visit. For others, like me, we realize we should have packed more because we’re going to be here a while.
I tend to be a bit of a Pollyanna .. a glass half full kind of person. Annoying, I know. Worse still, it hasn’t served me well in making my way through this journey. With each new doctor visit or test I’m certain that ‘This Is It” .. all of the answers to all of the questions will be revealed. Then with these new answers .. treatment (!!), a cure for all of the symptoms that have turned my life upside down. Of course, the downside of this is the crushing disappointment when the testing is inconclusive or the doctors throw out even more possibilities instead of narrowing down the ones already offered.
Acceptance is a tricky bitch .. and it becomes even trickier when we can’t be sure of what we’re actually accepting. It’s necessary though, in order to keep moving forward .. to find a way to be okay with the not knowing .. or as okay as we can be. It’s what allows us to find the joy in the every day.
I know I’m not alone in this as I’d feared in the beginning. That there are so many others finding their way up, over and through just as I am. I’ve been thrilled to read other blogs lately from people going through similar experiences. What strikes me most is the honesty, positivity and hope that comes across in these posts.
If you’re living here too .. in this middle place, just know you’re not alone.